Sunday, February 12, 2006

 

Dick Cheney Channels Aaron Burr

WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, spraying the fellow hunter in the face and chest with shotgun pellets.

Harry Whittington, a millionaire attorney from Austin, was "alert and doing fine" in a Corpus Christi hospital Sunday after he was shot by Cheney on a ranch in south Texas, said Katharine Armstrong, the property's owner.

He was described as in stable condition by Yvonne Wheeler, spokeswoman for the Christus Spohn Health System in Corpus Christi.

Added the Vice President, "Look, right now I'm basically subsisting on red meat, Scotch, Viagra, and Air-Force-grade amphetamines -- that, and updates on the daily body counts.

"Harry said something to piss me off, and when my blood is up, watch out," he insinuated vaguely, in a hospital interview quickly quashed for "national security" reasons.

"Whenever feasible, I like to slip into Kabul or Baghdad, unannounced, and go 'off-rez' for a few hours; smoke a few 'ragheads' out in the 'dustbowl,' so to speak. Cleans out the pipes," he continued, while rituallistically cutting his chest with a machete and head-butting his fellow hunters.

"What can I say? I miss it," he added.

posted by Michael 3:47 PM