Monday, May 09, 2005

 

Can't We "Outsource" The Filibuster Vote Count?

An online friend from Houston writes, with her reverie on how (in a perfect world) the filibuster vote should go:

Hey, did you hear what happened on the filibuster vote?

The Senate calls for the vote.

The count is 71 in favor of keeping the filibuster, 33 in favor of the Republicans' "nucular" option, meaning, end the 200-year tradition of the filibuster.

The Republicans call for a recount, because the Senate only has 100 possible votes. "There must be something wrong," they sputter. "Anyone can tell, there's something wrong with the vote! Stop! Recount! We KNOW we had more votes than that! We should have won!" One stamps his feet, raising a tiny cloud of dust on the Senate floor.

However, what they didn't know was that Liebold was now in charge of Senate votes. It's a new company, incorporated in the Cayman Islands, and it electronically counts Senate votes. There is no paper trail, and no way to recount the votes. The modem is connected to . . . well, don't worry your pretty little head about that.

"Revote! Revote! We call for a revote!" shout the outraged Republicans. One becomes so red in the face that the defibrilator is brought out, just in case. "Any fool can see that if there are 104 votes from only 100 Senators, something is wrong!"

"Oh, we know you will be graceful in defeat, just like John Kerry was," say the Democrats, in a soothing tone. "Surely, the Republicans do not want to be known as a band of wild-eyed conspiracy theorists, squandering our time when we could be doing important work. The Senators have spoken, and we have a mandate."

(end of fairy tale)

Oh, well, we can always dream, can't we?

posted by Michael 5:22 PM