Enemy Combatant
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Ground Control, by Major Tom
All this talk about "next election" is fine, but here's a proposal from a DailyKos poster -- "Major Tom" -- for the Democrats' more immediate consideration: Sue for election fraud in Ohio.
(Listen -- I know it sounds preposterous -- file a lawsuit, to win the presidency. But I hear it worked for this guy in 2000 . . . )
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Instead Of George Wallace, The Alabama Christian Coalition Now Blocks The Schoolhouse Door
Yep, the Alabama Christian Coalition was among those publicly opposed to Amendment Two on the November 2nd ballot, which was designed to bring the Alabama Constitution into line with what we could charitably call the "post-apartheid world" (i.e., removing references to "white and colored children," as well as dismantling the state's expressly segregationist school system). However, the majority of Alabamians (those whose votes were counted, anyway) were having none of it.
They were helped in reaching that conclusion by the aforesaid ACC, as well as by "Judge" Roy Moore, who (fresh off his successes in pressing his views on church/state matters to the federal courts, and on his own fitness for office to his cohorts in the state judiciary) opined that proposed Amendment Two -- which would also have removed a clause declaring that Alabama does not guarantee a right to a public education (itself a last-minute, futile attempt to dodge the effects of Brown v. Board of Education) -- would permit "rogue" federal judges to order the state to raise its taxes to pay for its schools.
Granted, after Bush v. Gore, the idea of a federal court making such an incoherent and preposterous ruling can't be entirely dismissed out of hand, but such an outcome was highly unlikely -- apparently, though, it was enough to afford the ACC a "legal fig leaf" in their campaign against Amendment Two.
So, mark my words: In 2016, when the Miguel Estrada Court reverses Brown v. Board of Education, Ground Zero for "the new Pretoria" will be Alabama, whose Constitution still mandates segregated schools . . .
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised -- Not On Fox, Anyway
"We appeal to the parliaments and nations of the world to bolster the will of [our] people, to support their aspiration to return to democracy," said a statement from the opposing candidate's campaign office, in protest and dispute of the election results.
Strong words, from a real leader, eh? So which one of these guys' campaigns issued today's statement?
(psst, here's a hint -- it's the second guy, Viktor Yushchenko, of the Ukraine)
Hey, Maybe "Our Leader" Will Write Us A Little Red-State Book
Maoist propaganda, courtesy of the Chinese Communist Party, Beijing
Bushist propaganda, courtesy of Clear Channel, Orlando
Monday, November 22, 2004
Please, Bill, STOP! My Sides Are Hurting!
From Bill O'Reilly's latest column:
"Having survived a combat situation in Argentina during the Falklands War, I know that life-and-death decisions are made in a flash"
Funny, I would think kicking back in your Buenos Aires hotel room, with a Scotch in one hand, a dictaphone in the other, and a buzzer up the ol' poopchute, wouldn't qualify as "a combat situation" . . .
Sunday, November 21, 2004
A Little History Lesson For The Extrahistoric Administration
Michael W. Kauffman, in his new biography of John Wilkes Booth, "American Brutus," explains how his sympathies extend to Booth's co-conspirators, who were brutally treated after their arrest, held in hoods and quasi-medieval manacles in the suffocating confines of Navy ironboats, and then tried by a military tribune intent on dispensing swift justice:
"It is not easy to put aside the barbarous image of people in hoods and chains," observes Kauffman. "Prisoners had not been treated that way since 1696, and would not be again until 2001."
When future histories of torture are written, alongside the names of Torquemada, Mengele and Vlad the Impaler will go the names Bush, Rumsfeld, and Ashcroft. Quite a legacy there, eh?
Thursday, November 18, 2004
SUPREME COURT ADOPTS PAPERLESS E-VOTING; AFFIRMS BUSH SECOND TERM BY VOTE OF 17-4
-- future headline, December 13, 2004
And this time, our incurious, lazy, and thoroughly cowed press won't even wonder how Scalia + Thomas + Rehnquist = 17 votes . . .
Here It Comes: Cue The GOP Fog Machine
A new study out of UC Berkeley indicates that e-voting anomalies in Florida may have given Bush 130K-260K "phantom" votes in Br'er Jeb's briarpatch (i.e., his entire margin of "victory" in that state -- and thus, the Electoral College).
Three guesses which direction the Republicans will spin this:
(a) ad hominem attacks on the source ("This study is from 'Berserkely,' after all -- whatever they're smoking, I want some of it");
(b) misdirection/muddying the issues ("This is just playing with numbers -- 'lies, damnable lies, and statistics' -- not one single actual vote was examined, to come up with this 'what if?' scenario"); or
(c) the shut-up-and-salute, Zell-Miller rant ("Your guy lost. Bush won. Get over it!")
Extra credit if you can work some "forged documents" into the mix. The betting window is open . . .
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Rule No. 1: IOKIYAR
Looks like the House leadership is going to push to change the rules, so that Tom Delay can continue as House Majority Leader while under state court indictment in Texas.
What seems to have fallen down the memory hole of nearly every news source reporting this, though, is the fact that it was Gingrich's crusaders in 1994 who imposed this automatic-step-down rule in the first place, in order to avoid further "Dan Rostenkowskis."
The problem here is the Democrats, who always, but always, misunderestimate the underhandedness of Republicans. The modern Republican Party is now entirely captive to the idea that The Rules Only Apply To Other People. The Dems simply don't understand that every time they sit down to play poker with the GOP, the game that's really being played is TEGWAR -- "The Exciting Game Without Any Rules."
Monday, November 15, 2004
Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis
and I'll keep my penis off o' you.
Deal?
Saturday, November 13, 2004
Magister Belli Laughs
Seems a high school group in Boulder decided to perform, in public mind you, Bob Dylan's "Masters of War," and local wingnut busybodies panicked and called the Secret Service, who bestirred themselves enough to come harass the kids on bogus claims that they had "threatened the President."
A warning to the Secret Service: There's a 41-year-old folk-rock song out there, with some pretty harsh and cutting lyrics, about wishing for the death of bloodthirsty warmongers. If somebody sings it, and somebody else hearing it is reminded of Bush -- well, as Someone Who Looks Remarkably Like McNamara said recently: Democracy is messy.
And high school students aren't the only ones reminiscing about those lyrics lately. It's just that some of us are older and wiser now, and know that we can "hide" that sort of thing from you -- by publishing it online.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Messages In An E-Bottle Received; Apologies Accepted
This site has sprung up, evidently, in response to Sorry, Everybody, which I mentioned earlier this week. Hey, maybe we should talk directly to the rest of the world more often, and bypass the Bush administration entirely; they pretty much suck at diplomacy, anyway.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Come To Think Of It, Maybe A Trial Separation Would Be A Good Idea
Spit-Take Alert! Sit Down, Swallow, Take A Deep Breath, And Move All Breakables Out Of Reach
Three guesses who National Review Online is recommending that Bush name as the next Secretary of State.
. . . none other than Zell Miller.
What? We're not involved in enough wars now? Or maybe, their thinking goes, we can avoid more wars, if The Personality Disorder Who Calls Himself A Democrat would just challenge our adversaries (and erstwhile allies) to duels! Hey, it's gotta work better than the house-to-house "canvassing" we're currently engaged in, in Fallujah . . .
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Sorry, Everybody
Here's a cathartic site wherein those of us in Blue States, and those of us who struggled to turn our Red States Blue, can offer the world our collective Nostra Culpa. (Check out the gallery.)
Oh, and to the inevitable drive-by freeper commentators, I can only say (in advance), "It's a 'conscience' thing -- you wouldn't understand."
Monday, November 08, 2004
And Up Here, We Appreciate The Difference Between The Stars-And-Stripes And The Stars-And-Bars
Imagine this scatalogical rant delivered in a Sou' Bahst'n accent -- it's even funnier.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
The Goat-Song of G. Dubya Bush
Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like viewers etherized around Fox cable;
We need to remember that the Crawford Crybaby is not one whit smarter or more in touch with reality today than he was a week ago, and that he's not likely to learn anything from the fact that more people have voted against him in a single election than any sitting president in history.
So he's arrogant -- with less reason to be so, than any human in history. And that arrogance -- coupled with an ignorance of history, and an appalling incompetence at even the fundamentals of government -- might well prove to be his downfall in the next four years.
Remember, Nixon won a *real* landslide in 1972, and was gone in two more years, forced to resign in disgrace. Of course, the Democrats had the Congress at the time, and the American media could actually fog a mirror, so the analogy isn't perfect.
But think of it this way: Is there a single thing this administration hasn't fucked up eight ways from Sunday since they took office? Do you really think this last Tuesday broke the spell of that reverse Midas touch?
For all his efforts to escape his father's fate, Dubya is stuck with, essentially, his father's kind of political support: "A mile wide and an inch deep." I'm not going to say Bush voters last Tuesday were stupid; just that they weren't paying sufficient attention. Well, you know something about supporters who aren't paying attention? They're fickle.
The classic, Greek definition of "tragedy," while always involving an element of fate, required that an unfortunate choice be made by the hero. (Incidentally, the Greek word for "tragedy" meant, literally, "goat-song"; how's that for 9-11 serendipity?) Bush's tragic choice, I think, was to try to extend his misrule for another four years. I think Bush may soon meet his own Appointment in Samarra; by escaping his father's one-term fate, he's fled into the clutches of Nixon's (or, if you'd prefer, Clinton's).
Friday, November 05, 2004
Did They Jack The E-Vote? The Evidence Of Things Not Seen
Is this irrefutable proof of manipulation of the paperless voting machine results in several states? No, it's not.
Is it pretty strong evidence that we need an in-depth, nationwide audit of Tuesday's vote? You betcha.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Thank You, Sir. May I Have Another?
Right now I am too tired, and too demoralized, and too damned flummoxed to even think straight. But tonight's election results (inconclusive as they are) bring to mind H. L. Mencken's observation that
"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it -- good and hard."
