Tuesday, June 03, 2003

 

Eat your heart out, Ari Fleischer: Rumor has it, Bush's NEXT press secretary will be a "rocket scientist":

One of the problems with explaining Quantum Iraqi Invasion Nano-Dynamics to the layman is that many of its most fundamental results can be so counter-intuitive. For example, consider the WMD wave function, which describes (or, more precisely, whose square describes) how the probability of finding WMD caches in Iraq changes over time and space. In a 24-dimensional manifold, this wave function conserves Einstein symmetries when rotated about any non-forbidden Higgs-Frum conjugate axis. What this implies is that any non-degenerate WMD particle is, when viewed from an eigenaxis, its own anti-particle, which means it instantly annihilates itself in inverse hyperbolic anti-time, causing the Big Bang to happen. Hence, in a seeming paradox, the absence of WMD in Iraq not only proves that they exist, but also explains how our universe came to be created from nothing. Seems strange, but physics tells us that this is not only logically consistent, but logically required. And, conversely, if we did find WMD, it could very easily set in motion a set of processes which would cause the universe to wink out of existence entirely, something which would no doubt please far Left moral relativists like Jim Jeffords and Brent Scowcroft. Or else they fell through a wormhole into Syria.

posted by Michael 11:33 PM